20 week scan (@21 weeks)

We went in yesterday for my 20/21 week scan.  Everything looks great and he is STILL a boy. 😉  I asked if he was HUGE since the donor is quite tall, and she said that he is measuring in the 50th percentile (fwwww).  I was 20w6d at the appt. and as it has been going, baby boy is measuring a few days ahead at 21w4d.  So I am guessing I will not be able to hold on to giving birth on Chad’s birthday (the 15th).  Instead I am aiming for a Cinco de Mayo baby or maybe a Cinco de Quatro baby, haha (Arrested Development joke for those who are now completely confused). When I was a young adult I once tossed a marker at a 12 month calendar and said, “Wherever this lands is the day my baby will be born.”  It landed between May 4 and 5.  In August I just KNEW I had to get pregnant so that would come true!  Only time will tell.

The 20 week scan proved to be quite tough as well b/c apparently I have an active guy in there.  No surprise there as he is starting to keep me up at night!  He did a full flip 2 days ago.  His head is also very far down so that could be why I am having so much pain in my round ligaments.  I am trying to stay hydrated so that pain is less.  He is a stubborn son of a gun already as well….he gets this from his mama!

I also got to spend the day with my two very lovely and oldest friends from elementary school/HS.  That was the day I had to drag my sorry ass to Brooklyn when I wasn’t feeling great.  I was surprised by both of them with some VERY lovely gifts!!  I haven’t done much shopping yet, so it was a real treat to get some baby clothes.  AND HOW ADORABLE they are!!!  Thank you so much RDC and MB!! I love you guys to the moon and back!! I know how truly blessed I am to have friends like you!! XOXO!

This is how I roll…dying of the flu on vacay!

Well here I am in NYC.  My last trip before I become a mother.  And guess what, like clockwork I have caught something the first day of my vacay and I have had a 100.3 fever and congestion,  sinus headache and overall exhaustion since I arrived.  There were certain MUST-DO things on my list.  The first was to go to Blair’s wedding.  It is the reason I came.  It was beautiful and I wish I was feeling better to enjoy it to the fullest.  The next was to see my best and oldest friends Michele and Robyn.  Michele is also pregnant and we all got together for an afternoon brunch.  It was wonderful.  I wish I had more energy and I hope no one gets sick from seeing me!!  I didn’t take my temperature until after I left (otherwise I may not have gone).  We drove to a town in NJ to spend the night with some other friends from my Broadway days. I took my temperature,  was SHOCKED to see 100.3 since I was still feeling pretty energetic and then took a tylenol and went straight to bed. I am now laying low and spending the remainder of my vacation in bed at my friend Randy’s house.  I really, really want to see the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree and I would like to go to my old church for Christmas Eve service.  I am playing the rest by ear.  OH and getting on the plane and going up and coming back down should be WONDERFUL for my ears!    Now comes the guilt.  I HATE, HATE, HATE taking medication!!!!!  I normally Neti Pot and my illnesses are short lived.  I talked to my midwife last night and she convinced me that it is safe to take Tylenol to decrease my fever (very important) and Cold Medicine to help my cough,  headache, aches and pains and congestion.   I know it is safe, but I still have to wonder how baby Spike is handling it?!?!    Also……I was so mad at humanity yesterday.  I got on the 2/3 subway to Brooklyn and it was standing room only.  Some people got up to let others sit down.  No one seemed to notice that there was a pregnant woman standing there (that’s me) and I was in the middle of a severe Braxton Hicks episode and it was VERY painful.  I was in ridiculous pain  and I was furious that people just looked at me when I started crying b/c no one seemed to give a flying fuck that a pregnant lady was standing on the subway, clearly in pain and crying.  They must have thought I was a nutcase but WTF???  Who doesn’t get up for a pregnant woman???  Stupid people!! I finally asked someone if I could sit b/c I was in so much pain and they just looked at me blankly and moved over so I could squeeze in.   Grrrrr!!!!

Here’s hoping my fever is gone tomorrow and I can hit the city in full force!  Merry Christmas everyone!

20 weeks…halfway there!

I assured my first graders that I would be at school for most of the school year. Today I had debilitating cramping due to constipation and I had to get help getting off the floor! One of my students said, “But you said you would be here all year and you now are going to have your baby today!!” I replied, “I better not have my baby today!” He thought I was in labor but I was just in freaking pain! Luckily my awesome acupuncturist gave me some magnesium pills today and said, “If you take too many, you will have very soft poop!!” I said, “I would LOVE that!!!!”I took my first dose tonight. I dream of a complete and soft movement ASAP!! haha….Gotta love the TMI from the pregnant ladies! I also visited my midwife this week. Heartbeat is 130 and she said, “It must be a boy!” She, of course, was right. I had an ultrasound planned for December 27, but was told to cancel it. My midwife wants me to get the more comprehensive and higher resolution ultrasound for old ladies like me! I was fine with it b/c it will be cool to have a better view. I look forward to seeing my baby for a long time! And….it is scheduled a day sooner….so less waiting. And time will fly between now and then b/c I fly out to NYC tomorrow to see all of my wonderful friends and former students! I have a feeling I will be EXHAUSTED at the end of this 5 day vacay!

2 hour work day tomorrow!!! Looking forward to not seeing my classroom until January 6th!

20 week photo in Times Sq!

19 weeks and round ligament pain!

I am currently 19w2d.  Nearing the 1/2 way point.  I fly to NYC on the big 1/2 way day for the wedding of a former student…who was once upon a time my 4th grader!!  And to boot during one of the greatest years of my life (she would agree) as we worked on the Broadway Musical, “Annie Get Your Gun”.  I was working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day and I never got tired of my job.  Loved every waking moment! And even the times I fell asleep on the couch backstage (and my lovely students would continue to read “The Giver” even though I was snoring).  I listened to the soundtrack the other evening and mourned my sweet, young students who I will be reunited with this weekend and are all in their mid-20’s now. And singing Moonshine Lullaby at the top of my lungs (in my car alone) made me miss my former lifestyle like crazy!  Anyway…back to pregnancy…I have been experience intermittent round ligament pain that kept me awake for hours last evening.  I am anti-pain killer so I just suffer my way through.  My fear if that this not so comfortable pain will just become more intense as the weeks wear on.   As well as my shortness of breathe, which makes me glad I am going to sea level for a few days!  I am going to suck in as much oxygen as possible!  I cannot walk down the hall without sucking for more air…or even have a conversation without becoming winded!  It kind of sucks!  I have my 20 week midwife appt. this week and I have been writing down questions and concerns to ask her since I totally forgot to ask last month.  I have also been keeping a food journal so I can feel better about the crap I have been eating and getting enough calories.  It actually made me more conscientious and I started eating a little better.  (still avoiding veggie’s though…argh!)  In about 2 weeks I have my big 20 week scan (at 21 weeks).  I am excited to see what it entails as I have heard it is more than you would expect.  Lots of measuring 🙂  I think I have a big boy inside of me!  

Here is the 19w photo!  My little man is about the size of an heirloom tomato…soon to be the length of a banana.  They start measuring head to toe vs. head to rump at week 20. 

Warning: This post may horrify the weak stomached

Well….I made it to 18w1d without puking!!  Last night I did not eat a tremendously huge dinner and was a teeny bit hungry when I went to bed.  I woke up and was drinking tea and making oatmeal when ALL OF A SUDDEN out of nowhere… realized I was VERY HUNGRY and then I realized…oh shit!! I am going to puke.  I tried all sorts of things to make it not happen, but alas, I could not fight the inevitable.  So, I can now join the masses.  I wouldn’t consider it morning sickness as it came and went quickly…or maybe that is exactly what morning sickness is.  This feeling has happened to me once before while I was driving to school one morning but I managed to make it go away.  Both times I was beyond hungry.  The interesting part about this mornings episode is that is tasted like LATKES…which I haven’t eaten in 2 days!  And now I think I am off of latke’s for a little while.  hahahahaha!!  Hopefully that is the first and last time I experience that!

Getting tubbier @ 18 weeks ;)

Nothing much happening except some really annoying heart palpitations which apparently are very normal during pregnancy,  but I feel like I am having an anxiety attack pretty much all day long and all I am doing is sitting behind my desk.  Besides that, the pregnancy symptoms I am having are constantly feeling out of breathe, dang constipation, round ligament pain and hunger…but with no appetite for things like vegetables and grains.  Oh and the occasional headache. As per the constipation,  in order to get things to move I need to spend quality time in the restroom while practicing my yoga breathing.  Eventually it will happen,  but I don’t have the luxury of sitting in the bathroom at school and taking my time, so things have gotten pretty uncomfortable during the day.  My Friday coffee helps things along :).  I am currently 18 weeks and not fitting into anything.  I bought a pair of maternity lounging pants from Target and thought I would try to get away with wearing them to school today and apparently I could play the pregnancy card and no one said anything about me pretty much being in my sweatpants all day!!  I am going back to Target to get a pair in black and I will live in both pairs until May!  I will see how long it takes before my principal notices that I am wearing what could be misconstrued as pajamas to school….hahahahaha (evil laugh).  Oh and what a day today was….our local gas company was having trouble keeping up with the demand of all of the furnaces working overtime so there was NO GAS coming to our school furnace.  The shit got cold quickly and school got cancelled at 10am.  Parents were told to come pick up their kids and I was home by noon!!!!  SWEET DAY!!  Except it is several degrees below 0 and not pleasant to do anything outdoors.  Wish I could take a hot bath!!  Anyway…here is my 18 week belly with my Target sweatpants.  I get to hear baby again in just over a week!! And I have been feeling his little kicks.  Hurray!!!

Today is the day….

Typically we all go out for sushi and drink IPA to celebrate Chad’s life today.  It has been 4 years since he died of brain cancer.  I have to go back to work tomorrow and many of my friends are out of town this week, so I decided I would break the cycle this year and just have a regular day.  But before that I would love to honor my best friend, my husband Chad, in pictures.

First of all…he was a Lolo Hotshot and a Krassel Heli-Rapeller for the US Forest Service.  I am a SUCKER for a fire fighter….especially the wildland firefighters!  Since Chad has died, the fire fighting family has become my family.  They have surrounded me like a giant hug.  I feel blessed to have this extended family in my life.

The helicopter above was the ship that crashed and killed 4 of Chad’s best friends in 2006 just months before Chad was diagnose with cancer.  We talked about the what if’s…what if he was on that helicopter and one of his friends could have lived and he could have avoided the suffering he was put through.  It would have been a blessing in disguise and we would have never known Chad would have died a few years later anyway.  Krassel lost 6 fire fighters in 6 years.

He also was an avid fisherman and loved the trip he and his older brother, Greg, took down the Smith River in Montana.  It is tough to get a permit for this trip. so they were delighted to have this time together before he passed.  He was in his happy place.

When we first reunited nearly 10 years after we first met in college….I told him I was DONE dating and I just wanted to get married and have kids.  He said, “ME TOO!!”  It was a deal.  We decided we would run a way together.  I went up to Missoula to see him and was to spend a few days.  I called into work and said, “I will be back in 2 weeks”….which still wasn’t enough.  I cried from Missoula all the way to Butte on my drive home.  That is 2 hours of sobbing down I-90.  We made sure we saw each other often after that.  We spoke every day and he said, “Have I told you that you are beautiful today??”  to me every day.  He started mining for a Yogo Montana sapphire for my engagement ring.  After several months of this romantic shenanigans I said, “Go to the damn jewelry shop and buy a damn ring!!”  He did.

Chad also was an amazing boyfriend, fiance and then husband.  I never for one second ever thought that he would stray, though we did have some tough times during his cancer.  It was extremely difficult for me to see him die slowly and there were holes in the dry wall to prove it.  Even though we hit those tough patches like most couples do, we still loved each other to the moon and back.  I always felt completely secure and loved.

I miss him every stinking day!!  It is hard to believe that 4 years has passed since I lost this amazing man!!

The wonderful, awesome news is that his brothers and sister-in-law are weeks away from opening the brewery that he had always wanted them to open.  He was able to leave money to do this!!!  I will be so happy when I can finally drink my first beer from The Great Burn Brewing Company in Missoula!!!!  Chad’s brother, Mike, is an AWESOME brewmaster and makes the most delicious brews!! I am hoping I can make it up there this summer with baby boy!  It is a 15 hour drive and even longer with nursing stops along the way.  Be thankful for every moment you have with your loved ones.  😉

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Great-Burn-Brewing/250021235149611